Breakdown

Some time ago, somebody very close to me had a breakdown, it came on suddenly and we all missed the signs. I thank the lord that all is well now for the ending could have been much worse. I dedicate this poem to all who have been through this terrible illness and to the families and friends who feel the aftermath. This poem is only a very small insight into the thoughts of one who has had a breakdown. I can only assume its much much worse in reality

I don't want this life
Its not worth the hassle
I'm not wanted around here

I dont know, why I'm feeling this way
Can't pin it down to any one thing
The black void controls me
I can't get out
Although I try
Please believe me

I've shed so many tears
Dreamed so many dark dreams
I feel so bleak, numb, desolate...
I tremble if people come near
Please don't reject me if I try to push you away
Although you probably will

I'm scared of the telephone
I don't know who's ringing
A knock at my door
I run and hide
I don't want to see anybody...
Although its probably not me they want to see ...

People laugh
They don't understand
Pull yourself together..
Is what they say
Don't they know?..
I don't want to be like this
Please believe me
Although if you don't, then I won't blame you

I wish for compassion
Some understanding
People don't realize
I'm still here.. Somewhere in this black pit of despair